Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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