I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
