guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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