I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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