Pants 0. Shit 1.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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