My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are two peas in an std pod
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
