The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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