It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
