just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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