I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
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