it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
