one word: firstdatebathroomanal
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
