Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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