she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
