I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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