Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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