just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
