I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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