Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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