No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
