dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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