Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
