no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
