Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
