porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
