Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
