My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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