i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
