is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
