Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
