dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
how drunk are you?
Several
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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