Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
