just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
