Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
