Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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