so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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