Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
