I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
