What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
