I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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