I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
