Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
