she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
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I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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