GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
