i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
