I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
