Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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