Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
