a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
