If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
