I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
