i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
