You surviving the open bar?
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So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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