She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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