someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
