Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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