Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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