this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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