my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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