I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
