one two three fourrrrnication!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
