I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
