you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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