The maid of honor just puked.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
