At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
