he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
