I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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