Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
