"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
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Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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