i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
