I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
