I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
