My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Randomize
