her vagina looked like bernie madoff
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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