guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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