What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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