u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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