somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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